when McGonagall finds out that Ginny is pregnant, and that the Weasley and Potter bloodlines will converge, she marks on her calender the day the child will turn 11 and that is the day she retires
*goes a few hours without internet access* wow i’m so healthy and wild i could live in the woods
when you fuck up and realize there’s nothing you can do so you just accept it
“6:20 p.m. A girl who looks to be about four years old walks into the dining room wearing bright orange lipstick, and the hostess gives her crayons. She is my only rival for command of this TGI Friday’s.”
This whole article made me laugh, but this line made me absolutely howl:
Life is a like a box of of mozzarella sticks. You never know what you’re gonna get, but you can predict with 100 percent accuracy that it will be a mozzarella stick.